PK KID

by gabbi carson

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    this is a tape of the 7 songs from PK KID on the format they were recorded. they are made to order by me & i'll probably include some other cute stuff like a zine or stickers. please be patient when you order this because i only get to the stereo i use to duplicate every so often. i'll be without internet for the entire month of august 2017 so keep that in mind too. thx :)

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03:02
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01:53
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03:00

about

this collection of songs revolves around me growing up between extremes and between worlds. some of it fictional, some true. i wrote these songs because i needed something tangible to come from my thoughts and to be able to retell these stories when i forget them. my memory has never been very clear -- i float between identities and between circles so often it's hard to keep track.

PK KID is a graffiti tag you can find on the garden state parkway and elsewhere in new jersey. i have hazy recollections of sitting in the passenger seat, driving through the meadowlands, feeling sorry, and seeing PK KID over and over. it was familiar and still mysterious, a kind of legend i'll never know much about. you can see PK KID in some of the weirdest and highest places, and if you're me, you'll be shocked and comforted by it every single time.

credits

released June 5, 2017

thanks to my friends who have helped me forge out a place for myself in a world and in a body that doesn't seem to want me/thanks to terry's serendipity cafe and the diy scene/thanks to john darnielle; may you grow old sweetly and continue to tour forever.

all songs were written by me, gabbi carson, in bedrooms either in montclair or piscataway, nj, during the months of the fall of 2016 and the spring of 2017.

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gabbi carson Montclair, New Jersey

sad queer tunes

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Track Name: seeking/leaking
attention seeking
pipes leaking

the sight of your face
makes my body ache
the chorus of voices reverberating inside of me
say things i'm surprised to hear
things i'm supposed to hear

i'm getting better
trying hard
i'm getting better
in the back seat of your car

the tennis courts and the light breeze
open up a new part of me
dysfunctional families are all i know
expose me to the world beyond our backyard

kindhearted souls
and cold-blooded animals
kindhearted souls
we are untouchables

you say i'm just attention seeking
but all my pipes are leaking
Track Name: what did i do
what did i do
before i let myself love you
how could i stand to
live in dark rooms

how could i stand to
be all alone
walk down quiet streets
aimlessly

maybe it's the medication
maybe i'm just growing up
maybe you're more beautiful than you've ever been

the sun is rising rising rising
every morning
and i am rising out of bed
and you are more beautiful than you've ever been

this is a song for all the people i love
this is a song for every girl who makes music
this is a song for all the boys who kiss boys
this is a song for every queer
who never thought they'd be here
in this room today

i am not a boy
i am not a girl
i am not anything the earth doesn't want me to be
but i still ask

what did i do
before i let myself love you
what did i do
with all my spare time
what did i do
before i started loving you
what did i do
before the moon came out
what did i do
Track Name: childhood home
this is where it happened
i don't know how to feel
this is where it happened
maybe someday i'll come back and it'll be unreal

you hid the knives behind your bed
as if i couldn't find them
you hid the knives behind your bed
but i'm a child of bethlehem

i'm resourceful when i need to be
but i knew it wouldn't do anything
i'm resourceful when i need to be
on the side of the road lies a bird with a broken wing

check the expiration date
not that it matters, it doesn't matter anyway
check the expiration date
you broke my bones, look at the x ray

some part of me died in that bathroom
and it felt really good
some part of me died in that bathroom
in a way that a body never could
Track Name: high fructose corn syrup
we sing songs to pass our time
drinking soda lemon lime
but all i wanna do
is drive around with you

we're gonna go to college
then we're gonna be real people
and i know it's bound to happen
but please don't stray too far away

looking back
it was sorta fucked up
but you and me
we're sorta fucked up

we sing songs to pass our time
drinking soda lemon lime
but all i wanna do
is drive around with you
Track Name: x's
carve x's into my skin
let the blood run
let the blood run and run and dry
some part of me died

covered in gauze and adhesives
bright lights, clean floors
right now
all day
all night
right now

the turning point of the record i wrote
is never gonna come

i've got laundry to do
i've got books to read
i've got the whole world
to give my love to

uprooting all the things that hold you back
is just what you have to do
we were not made to be locked up in cages
if we were, i would have never been so close to
never been so close
never been so close to you
Track Name: best thing
being in love
is the best thing you can be
at least that's what i heard
on my black and white tv

don't think that's true
cause when i was in love with you
i felt so empty and lonely
while never being far away from home

driving down quiet streets
making promises aimlessly
i felt alive sometimes
and i don't blame you

too young to know what's reasonable
too smart to know what's cool
too hurt to know what's healthy
and too crazy to go to school

being in love
is the best thing you can be
at least that's what i thought back then

don't think that's true
cause i'm not in love with you
and i'm the best thing i can be
Track Name: clean sheets
some of my things still smell like you
i don't know if i like it
it's not as comfortable as it used to be
stared out your window and the light hit the wall
in such a sad and empty way

and the summer is over now
the air is thin and dry
i try i try i try
to stop

some of my things still smell like you
and i could easily wash them
i could do a lot of things i don't do
i sleep and i condemn
everyone who has ever hurt me

and the summer is over now
the air is thin and dry
i try i try i try
to stop